If I eat anymore sugar I will surely die

Daube's is a bakery here in town and they make little handfulls of beauty that look just like bumblebees, or ladybugs, or 'lovebugs' for Valentine's Day. The point is they're delicious and I could eat a dozen. As it stands, I've had five. today. I rationalize this by not eating any other food, so I'm still well within an acceptable calorie count for the entire day. My tongue tastes like sugar. (OK who else heard Echo & the Bunnymen just now?) I can't focus on an object more than about 2 feet away, which is making it hard to find my drink. Alas. Tomorrow is another day...

God bless Mike. He's off moonlighting, bringing home the bacon so Mama can stay home. He's not doing this solely out of the goodness of his heart - it was deer in the headlights when I mentioned returning to work after Gio was born. I almost peed myself laughing. Why is that funny? I'm not sure, the same reason farts and kids hitting people in the crotch with pinata bats are endlessly entertaining. America's Funniest Home Videos keeps getting it right eeeeeevery season.

So, I've found out gay is the new black. And just in time for Spring! It's too bad really as I'm inordinately fond of this family and already look amazing in black. Whatever shall I do? Or you for that matter? Good thing I've stocked up on so many pairs of fabulous shoes over the years or I'd never be able to afford new look. Do you know what ecstacy costs these days?!

GD I hate Stormy Miller. Everytime she posts pics of her amazing back yard that faces the Saguaro National Forest I just want to shoot myself in the head. Oy! I can't! wait! to have a Bloody Mary in that yard at sunset. My back yard faces some fat white bastard in a Sam's Club tee leafblowing his immaculate lawn. His name is Tom. He really is a bastard. After calling the cops on me the night Lola was born (28 hours of labor and a friggin c-section anyway - bastard!) because the dogs were barking (in the house!) he tried to talk to me over the fence (need a higher fence!) about 'his friend Jesus'. No joke. His friend Jesus. The very next day I sowed a 40lb. bag of white clover seed along our shared 50' chain link fence. 6lbs. covers one acre. It's the only part of the yard I water.

PTL the children are sleeping, thus far, tonight. Wow, kids are hard. You have to keep your shit together all. the time. (OK who saw hottie Efron with the whipped cream just now?) And when you lose your shit, you have to apologize for it so they know that it's OK to lose your shit sometimes and what to do when your shit gets lost. I think a lot of grown ups could use more active parenting. I won't mention any names but his initals are Glenn Beck. Find your shit Glenn, then apologize for losing it so completely. It's the right thing to do.

Off to bed. It's nice to have the bed all to myself, but I'm glad it doesn't happen every night. Let's see what ad pops up tonight...nothing!? I'm disappointed Google - sum ego a liar?